Scared of My Dream Job?

I'm a scared to publish my work.

There I said it.

Publishing is a huge achievement for me and a lifelong goal. If you have the chance to be published, with a story you spent hours and years on perfecting, take it! But that doesn't stop the fear and insecurities creeping in.

I am not published as of right now, I'm not in the process of publishing right now, and I am not currently in my dream job. So what do I know? Absolutely nothing.

But I do know how it feels to be completely terrified of pursuing my dream job and the act of sharing my writing to people who will... actually read it, makes me hesitant to publish at all.

But I really want to.

And it feels kind of contradictory, because I'm sharing this, right now. But it's different, it feels different, because as of writing this, no one is reading. It's just me sharing to a blog that no one else is looking at. And someone might be reading this one day - you are, whether it's tomorrow, or in two years, or in ten - but as of right now, I feel confident to share something because when you do, it would already be out there.

So what am I going to do?

I'm currently studying Creative Writing at university, which is great; I've learnt so much, from peers and tutors. I've shared work with them before; not all of it good, but I did get over that initial first year fear of sharing. Those people have read and critiqued my writing and it has helped so much over the last 3 years to improve.

But other than about 20 people, and my family, no one has ever read my work before. Can you image 100 people in a store? I can't; so I can't really imagine 100 people reading my book either. Bad comparison I know, but you get the idea.

I joined a writer's discord in June last year, and it's been amazing to chat with other writer's - both published and not - but again, that fear of sharing stopped me from... well, sharing. Of course, they know what I'm writing from the short blurb I've posted, but other than that? Nothing. I've only just had the courage to share my characters name, and post a moodboard into the group. Which might seem a little paranoid or pathetic. And sometimes, it feels like that too. I'm a writer, so I should be proud of my writing!

But the closer I get to my end goal - halfway through editing, finding a beta reader for one last look, researching agents to publish - that I start shaking and overthinking, because do I really want people to read my writing?

The honest answer is yes. It's been years since I started writing, years of improvement and research and longing. Writing is something I want to do and will do. Not matter how scared I am of the outcome.

I guess the real question is: do people want to read it?

And that, I can only say, is up to the reader.

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Thank you for reading until the end of that spiel; this is something that I would normally keep to myself, and I'm not sure if I feel better about sharing my fears with the world just yet. The thought of publishing still scares me, but I promised my younger self... "one day."

Feel free to share your fears; sometimes - and only sometimes - it's less scary when you admit them.